


Wedding Woes

by talewind



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Background Relationships, Gen, Shopping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-10-13 15:58:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20585141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talewind/pseuds/talewind
Summary: Kima and Allura's wedding has been looming for some time, and everybody in Vox Machina put off buying gifts for later. Now it's the weekend of, and they need a gameplan, fast.





	Wedding Woes

**Author's Note:**

> almost two whole years ago i asked my friends for critical role fanfic ideas and my friend azer told me "Modern au shopping trip go" and now i remembered it gathering dust in my google drive, so i touched it up and though i have some ideas how to continue it i have no idea when i will but HERE'S THE FRUIT OF MY LABOR PLS ENJOY

“Have I mentioned that I don’t want to be here?” Grog grumbled.

“I don’t think you have, actually,” Scanlan said. “You should tell us again just in case.”

“Well, I don’t,” he said, sullenly kicking a rock across the parking lot.

“Okay, look, Grog,” Vex said, stopping in front of the store’s automatic door and turning to look at him. “We know we can’t plan for shit, but we can’t go back and _un_-not-plan to do all our gift shopping for Allura and Kima’s wedding before the weekend of. None of us are thrilled by this—”

“I am!” Scanlan waved.

“It _is_ a little funny,” Percy admitted. Vex leered at him and he coughed. “Ah—no, you’re right, it’s very serious and bad. Shame on us.”

Scanlan made a _wh-PSHH_ sound, and Percy shrugged, indifferent.

“Oh, darn,” Pike said. “I think my earring fell out somewhere.”

“Where?” Scanlan said immediately, whirling around and scrutinizing the pavement. “I’ll help you find it! Just tell me where to go!”

Pike glanced at Vex and Percy. “Oh, never mind, I think I just left it at home.” While Scanlan’s back was turned, she mimed cracking a whip of her own.

“_My point is_,” Vex continued, stifling a snort, “we’re going to do this _quickly_. Go in, grab something, get out, enjoy the rest of the weekend.”

“And also pay for the things we get!” Keyleth added helpfully. “We have to do that before the getting out part!”

Vex stared at her. “...Of _course_ we’re fucking paying, Keyleth, I—god, I assumed that was a given.”

“Okay, well, I just wanted to make sure that part didn’t get skipped—”

“God, Keyleth! Do you actually think any of us are going to _steal_ anything?”

“No, no, of course not, but I mean, since you mention it, it’s happened before—”

“That was _one time_!” Vax complained at the same time Vex shook her head, baffled. “Fuck’s sake...”

“...Actually, that does remind me,” Vex added. “Nobody is paying for _anything_”—she pulled a frighteningly large mass of papers out of her purse and started distributing them among the group—“without these!”

“Uh, sis,” Vax said, cocking a wary eyebrow at the papers she’d stuffed into his hands. “Exactly how many of those shady online reward programs did you have to sign up for to get all of these coupons and gift cards?”

“As many as I needed to. I also subscribed to their newsletters under all your names.”

“...Well, that’s not worrying at all.”

“I’ll thoroughly debug her laptop after this.”

“‘preciate it, Freddie.”

Vex finished passing out her papers and addressed the group once more. “Now, everyone has access to Kima and Allura’s wedding registry, right?”

Grog leaned down to Pike and whispered “Do I?”

“Yeah.”

He straightened back up. “I do,” he announced solemnly.

The rest of the group confirmed their own receipt of the list. “Good, good,” Vex said. “Now, does everyone have a partner to shop with?”

“Isn’t there an odd number of us?” Vax pointed out.

“Yes, a number of us are odd.”

“Thanks for that, Scanlan. But yes, there are seven of us, so we can just have two pairs and a group of three. Okay, group up, everyone—_no_.” Vex marched over to Vax, Grog, and Scanlan, who were all grinning with their arms slung around each other. “No, absolutely not. No.”

“But Stubbyyyy,” Vax whined.

“‘_But Stubbyyyy_,’” she mocked. “I am not letting anyone here get lifetime bans from any more stores, got it? This threesome is banned.”

The threesome snickered. Vex groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Okay, hold on, how about this,” Percy offered. “How about Grog takes the gnomes, you take your brother, and I take Keyleth? This way everyone has someone to keep them in line and no one—well, probably—gets sidetracked by more...shall we say, frivolous pursuits.”

Vex huffed. “But I _like_ frivolous pursuits.”

“So do I, dearest, but that’s not what we’re here for,” Percy said, kissing her forehead. “We’ll have plenty of time for that after this fiasco.”

“God, don’t jinx it,” she shuddered.

“Hey, come on, let’s be more positive!” Vax said.

“Yeah, relax, Vex!” Keyleth added, pulling Percy through the doors and into IKEA. “What could possibly go wrong?”


End file.
